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Grim Reaper by Dr-XIII




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November 22, 2010
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The world, it is a place full of mystery, happiness and grief. However in my world it's filled with death and love, well mostly death; if you're wondering why this is, it is because all through my life I have had countless near death experiences, so many in fact that sometimes I'm not sure if I'm alive or not. This is what got me obsessed with the Grim Reaper or as the skeleton with a scythe who harvests your souls. I would spend hours upon hours trying to learn about this bringer of death. This dark character that feeds upon your souls and is everyone's worst nightmare...unless you want to die.







"Come out, come out from where ever you are!" the fair haired woman cried out. "I give up now, you win!"

The park was empty and silent, besides the rustling of the pine trees, and the muffled words of the wind. The fair haired woman was out in the open of the park, wind whipping her hair across her tanned slender face.

"BOO!" a little pale, dark haired girl shouted. The fair haired woman jumped at the sudden split in the peace, and turned to see the little girl grinning showing her gleaming teeth.

"That wasn't very nice you know," the fair haired woman said. "Cause now I'm going to get you." She started chasing the little girl, sprint and threatening to tickle her.

She caught the little girl then began tickle her. The little girl sent out a soundwave of laughter that travelled throughout the park. "Stop it!" the little girl screeched. "It sting and make me sad!"

"Sorry sweetheart," the fair haired woman said kindly, smiling at the little girl.

A brittle chill suddenly filled the air within the park. The wind blow violently and the park began to darken.

"It's getting late, we should start leaving now," the fair haired woman whispered hesitantly, urging the little girl to move.

"But I want to stay!" the little girl whimpered, dropping to the ground arms crossed.

"We have to go now," the woman urged again, trying to lift the little girl up.

Thunder boomed and rumbled above them, sending the little girl to her feet. The wind began to whip round them more violently thrusting the little girl to the ground. Lightning crackled through the sky, rain began teeming down soaking the girl and the woman.

"Let's go now!" the woman yelled. All the same her words were swallowed up by the sounds form the thunder and by the wind wiping them away.

"What's going on!" the little girl cried, tears starting to fall from her dark eyes.

"It's alright sweetie!" the woman shouted over the activity in the sky. "I'm coming!"

The woman started to push her way through the edgy wind and pelting rain, trying to make her way to the little girl. She was starting to reach the little girl, and then suddenly she was rammed to the ground brutally by a shadowy blur. The woman winced from the pain; she tried to get her bearings to relocate the little girl. The woman was then struck again by the shadowy blur, sending her into the air and hurtling back to the ground. The woman wailed out, and with what was left of her strength struggled into standing up to try to get herself to the little girl. The blur all of a sudden came and griped her throat slowly lifting the woman off the ground.

"Who are you?" the woman gagged, trying her best to breathe. "Why are you doing this?" the blur said nothing, but tightened its grip.

The woman's throat started to bleed, the blurs grip still kept tightening. Tears welded up in the woman's hazel eyes, the little girl watched in fear as the woman was slowly being choked to death. The blur abruptly with colossal force squeezed the woman's neck and it ruptured, sending out a burst of blood and gore.

"SCAR!" was the last word the woman said, before she became a lifeless corpse.

The blur's shape developed into a human figure wheels of darkness coming off its body. It turned its newly formed head to the little girl; she was frozen to the ground fear bleeding from her dark eyes. She stared at this horrid creature that had murdered her mother. Her eyes all of a sudden closed and she gave way to her legs. She lied their on the ground unconscious. The shadowy figure turned away from the little girl, it walked away gradually disintegrating until it was no more. The little girl laid their, all alone and wet surrounded by what was left of her once breathing living mother.
This is the Prologue to my book/story called 'Love Reaps'. It is a fantasy, Horror, Romance, Comedy, etc.
Hope u enjoy it
Please give me idea's for the rest of it
And of course comment on it!





Image by: :iconironshod: (Summon the Reaper)
Add a Comment:
 
:icone-m-o-girl45:
E-M-O-girl45 Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2013
This was the best thing if read since the last book of Harry potter!  It was so dark and uxpecting and I love the tittle...that's what caught my attention...:-)
Reply
:iconiluvsp31:
ILUVSP31 Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, Im going to finish this story and start a series after I finish this year. 
But thank you :) 
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:iconsharnaeisawesome:
Sharnaeisawesome Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2013
it was amazing. so vivid and dark. god that was the highlight of reading. i've read a lot of books but that was the best passage i've ever come across.
Reply
:iconiluvsp31:
ILUVSP31 Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, that really means the world to me. However, I wish I could get more time to continue and keep writing.
But, I am forever grateful that you have taken the time to read my story, well at least the Prologue. :) Morbid, dark, writing is what I love.
Sincerely,
Paigey.
Reply
:iconsharnaeisawesome:
Sharnaeisawesome Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2013
well your writings great!!! and i can't get my eyes off the screen. i just finished part 12. i wish i was as good as you at writing!
Reply
:iconiluvsp31:
ILUVSP31 Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Well, I'm sorry it doesnt go too much further. I know how the rest goes, until it reaches the end. But, I may finish it sometime.
I just am a total book worm/nerd, and I have the imagination of a 5 year old...but more morbid and probably a bit too sexual in some ways...but a five year old has a immense imagination, which is what I meant. :blush:
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:iconsharnaeisawesome:
Sharnaeisawesome Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2013
i know the feel. i all ways have really weird dreams. i have this one dream that plants take over the world i had kept dreaming it over and over again for at least a year. it was really creepy and that's not even the weirdest dream i've had. oh and i can't wait for part 15 it should be AWESOME!!!
Reply
:iconiluvsp31:
ILUVSP31 Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah, I've written down some of my dreams on here.
"Bloody Unfortunate Love", and others...
But yes, on "Love Reaps" ive done up to I think part 21/22...can't quite remember, but one or the other.
Enjoy them; for that's the reason I wrote them down.
Reply
:iconsharnaeisawesome:
Sharnaeisawesome Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013
yer i found part 15
ur writing is awesome and i'm really enjoying it i'll be telling all my friend especially chloe my BBF she loves ur style of writing
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:iconiluvsp31:
ILUVSP31 Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah, I haven't yet finished obviously, but I should get there someday! Hahah :laughing:
And thank you so much and also to your BFF. I'm glad you enjoy it :)
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(1 Reply)
:iconsharnaeisawesome:
Sharnaeisawesome Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013
yer i found part 15
ur writing is so good someone needs to publish it :)
Reply
:iconlivsya:
Livsya Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2011
That was great! very intriguing and I really like your title 'love reaps'. Will the rest of the story be about the little girl? cant wait for part 2
Reply
:iconiluvsp31:
ILUVSP31 Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks so much! And yea, I tried to make the title easy, but catchy.
And yes the story is pretty much all about the girl.
Reply
:iconlivsya:
Livsya Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2011
Great, cant wait to read more
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:iconiluvsp31:
ILUVSP31 Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks so much. :D
Reply
:icontoxic-innocence:
Toxic-Innocence Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2011
First Impression: Nice! You have lots of potential as a writer. :) Although your descriptions could still use some work, they are descriptive and original. The plot might be picking up too quickly. You might want to start with the walk to the park, describing the personality of the child and woman through their movements and words. That way, when the woman is murdered, readers will feel more pity for her. At first, when I read the first few lines, I wasn't sure if the girl was being chased by the woman, or if it was just a game.

General Improvements to be made: You made a few mistakes with comma use, mostly not using them enough. Also, there were a few sentences that would sound a lot better if you just rewrote them, and added a little more of a description of the 'shadow-man'.

How I would write a few things differently:

"Stop it!" The child managed, between ragged gasps of air. The little girl's innocent laughter rang out over the lush landscape of the park, then cried out, "I can't breathe!" Her mother patted the child on her head, smiling apologetically. "Sorry, darling." The woman looked towards the sky, squinting her eyes for a moment as she looked at the coal-colored clouds, which seemed to have come from no where. "We should get going, (child's name), (pet's name, something small such as a fish/frog/mouse would be best) is probably wondering where we've been." The fair-haired woman grinned, the corners of her mouth turning upwards in a graceful curve.

The Shadow-figure came out of the storm clouds, his smudged profile invisible against the darkened horizon. The little girl saw him first, but the words paused for a moment at the back of her tongue, struggling to sort out the confusion in her mind. Surely the shadow-men were only a myth, told by the older children at the orphanage to scare the little ones.

I think that this little girl should be an orphan, who was adopted by the fair-haired woman just after her birth. The woman then poses as the girl's gentle mother, when she is actually planning something else (idk what). The shadow-men should be a clan of young men, who wear special camouflage suits that smudge their profile, and allow them to hide. These men are often misunderstood because of their spooky appearance, but they truly work to protect 'special' children, such as this little girl, from evil scientists, like the woman.
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:iconiluvsp31:
ILUVSP31 Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you, I enjoy getting feedback and other peoples thoughts and opinions. And yes I need to work on my descriptions and punctuation. Though I may have improved since last year, which was when I wrote this.

And they way you would write it, I have to say it's very good. But your plot is different to mine, though I like the concept of her being an orphan. However I would reveal that later in the story, and the way I have worked out how my plot would be unfolded is with the unknowness of this PAST event, which later will be found out, why.

Thank you for a very detailed and descriptive comment, I shall take those issues into consideration.
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:icontoxic-innocence:
Toxic-Innocence Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2011
Your Welcome. I'm glad I could help. :)

I had a feeling that you would have already decided on a different plot, but that was what I thought of when I read the story. I like the idea of explaining things later on, but be careful not to get too far into the story before going back. I'm sure the story will be great!
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:iconiluvsp31:
ILUVSP31 Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks.
And no worries. :)
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:iconmoeenn:
moeenn Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2011  Student Interface Designer
like WOW
Reply
:iconiluvsp31:
ILUVSP31 Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Glad you like it. :D Thanks.
Reply
:iconembracetheheart:
EmbraceTheHeart Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2011  Student Writer
Just read it and it is awesome. Love it
Reply
:iconembracetheheart:
EmbraceTheHeart Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2011  Student Writer
Wow. That was amazing. Got hooked on really fast. Love it.
Reply
:iconiluvsp31:
ILUVSP31 Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thats the Idea of the first part/prologue, to get you hooked in.
Glad you like it ^^
Reply
:iconembracetheheart:
EmbraceTheHeart Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2011  Student Writer
And I'm glad you wrote an outstanding story. I really love it.
Reply
:iconiluvsp31:
ILUVSP31 Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thats great ^^
Thank you.
Reply
:iconembracetheheart:
EmbraceTheHeart Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2011  Student Writer
If it isnt too nuch of a hassle could you check some of my work on my profile. Just wondering because i want as much feedback as possible.
Reply
:iconiluvsp31:
ILUVSP31 Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
No it isn't a hassel at all. I'll check it out, and give you some feed back.
Reply
:iconembracetheheart:
EmbraceTheHeart Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2011  Student Writer
Thanks. That means a lot
Reply
:iconiluvsp31:
ILUVSP31 Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
No problem ^^
Reply
:iconrtaylor64:
rtaylor64 Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2011
please do not take any of thease comments as durogatory they suggestions.It seems your idea of death in this story, and possibly your general outlook is too finite. I see this alot in younger people I asm a student of relgious anthropology and practice native american paganism.looking into man's past representations of death will broaden your scope greatly.I work with ALL religions even christianity had a much different view of death it is not just the ceasing of physical life.we experience many deaths throughout our lives,changing from one stage of life to another has always been considered a type of death on a more broad scale,childhood to puberty to adult hood .How your body functions and the certain idealism are left behind,most never to return is a type of death.Also look into the way different religions view life and the afterlife .there are those in the physical world ,some in both,and those who reside in many different levels on the other side.I truly hope tjis helps one of my favorite dieties is pappa legba the gatekeeper or a darker version of st peter ithink you will find him intresting .he aint death but he will get you there...and sometimes back lol
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:iconiluvsp31:
ILUVSP31 Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I understand where you are coming from, and thank you so much for the suggestions and information. I will take it all into consideration.

Though I have to say, this is based mostly on my view of death. I mean i've based some of it on other religions and beliefs. But this is more my opinion and how I see it.
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:iconrtaylor64:
rtaylor64 Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2011
cool it is very well done then, had a feeling that may have been the case.I do tend to ramble but i love the subject also.
Reply
:iconiluvsp31:
ILUVSP31 Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
It's alright, no worries.
I enjoy hearing others thoughts/inputs.
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:iconmollyvilde:
mollyvilde Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2011
wow... not enough comments on this.... so, eh.... AWESOME!!! :D
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:iconembracetheheart:
EmbraceTheHeart Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2011  Student Writer
I love it already even though I just read the first part. Its really good. :D
Reply
:iconiluvsp31:
ILUVSP31 Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Why thank you. :D
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:icondeathburnsharkwolfz:
DeathburnSHARKwolfz Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2011
cool :3
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:iconiluvsp31:
ILUVSP31 Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks! :D
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:icondeathburnsharkwolfz:
DeathburnSHARKwolfz Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2011
your welcome ^^
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:iconiluvsp31:
ILUVSP31 Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
:dance:
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